4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
