do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
