so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
