moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
