my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize