he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
