FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
