I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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