Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
