Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize