i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
