I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
