I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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