Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
