New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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