no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
