i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
