My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
