One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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