Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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