We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
