If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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