i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
