Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
