I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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