My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
