If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I look better un-naked...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
