I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I believe in your delicious
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize