Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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