Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
