So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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