Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
