we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
