where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize