my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
