I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
