You just made me feel so damn special
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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