I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
