I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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