So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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