I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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