Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will be naked everywhere
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
