The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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