I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
