Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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