I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
