1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
