I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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