there's paper in my vomit.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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