Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize