Plan B is the new Plan A
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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