Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize