my vag is so smooth its legendary
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
