ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
