I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
