Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
