I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize