I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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