i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
