so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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