Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The best revenge is premature balding
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
