It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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