I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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