You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
