I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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