What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
