Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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