Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
