i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize