just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
