Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize