Nicole vs. Life
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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