My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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