"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
