last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
