omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
