I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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