i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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