playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize