i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
