why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
