I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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