So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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