We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
