I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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