Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize