well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
