You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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