ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
