I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize