drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
