i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
