omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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