yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
