There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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