What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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