If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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